He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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