Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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