good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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