I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
