well you can't waste a boner
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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