New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I am naked and annoyed.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
