Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
foreskin is a definite game changer
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
