He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
