well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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