Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
