I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
