Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
