I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
