that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
