You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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