"it" just moved
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
