By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
