So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
