The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
