i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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