I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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