can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
