So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Your penis caused this!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
