I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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