i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
