it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
where are my eyebrows?
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