Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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