Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
