time to smoke my breakfast
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
