Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
