You're so nebulous sometimes
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
