apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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