real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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