Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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