for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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