I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize