been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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