So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
