I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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