apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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