I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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