please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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