he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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