What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My breasts were aching with rage.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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