Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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