your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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