Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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