Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
