2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
