I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i out mim tonsoeep
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