she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
