So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
