woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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