Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
