Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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