when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
