I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
